New Humor: Status Updates by the Fabulous FaceBook Femme

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Ok, this has little or nothing to do with food. It is just for fun. The Fabulous FaceBook Femme is a real person who gives the greatest status updates on FaceBook. She is quite a character and we love her, so from time to time, we are going to share her updates with you. Enjoy!

Status: The Fabulous FaceBook Femme is:

• is now available with kung fu grip!
• is starting group meetings at her house for people with OCD...if anyone feels the urge to tidy up, by all means go ahead.
• is not bipolar....she doesn't even like bears.
• hates when her cat thinks outside the box.
• transferred organic stickers from the apples & put them on the Oreo packages in the grocery store to make them healthier...Enjoy!
• wants to remind everyone- it's not really the size of the boat, or the motion of the ocean, but whether the boat is able to stay in port until all passangers have gotten off.
• isn't letting people drive her crazy when she knows its within walking distance.
• is asking Santa to define 'good'.
• hates her internal clock. It doesn't have a snooze button, and it hurts to throw herself across the room.
• bought herself a new roll-on deodorant today. Instructions said 'Take off top and push up bottom'....she won't be sitting down for a while, but her ass has never been fresher.
• is childish. No she's not, yes she is, no she's not, yes she is.
• hates it when people steal her ideas before she thinks of them.
• says exaggerations went up a million percent this past year.
• thinks it's funny to watch people who drive Hummers, swerve to avoid potholes...
• would like to observe a moment of silence for all the innocent brain cells that lost their lives over the weekend.
• is thinking men should come with a carfax...
• is an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, nestled in a sesame seed bun of mystery.
• thought she had a good tan...until she took a shower.
• is on your mind at this very moment.
• may contain traces of nuts.
• used to think the rhythm was gonna get her...
• This is a test of the facebook emergency notification system. Had this been an actual emergency, the entire message would have been in capital letters and you would have been directed to post this as your status message immediately. This is only a test.
• is not allowed to use metaphors anymore. It's like an applesauce sandwich trying to embrace a Yeti. Know what I mean?
• Attention Ladies: if a fat man snatches you up and puts you in a bag, don't worry, it's just Santa collecting his ho's for Christmas....btw I'm texting you from his bag now.
• is wondering who else has bought square presents because they’re easier to wrap?
• So hydrogen is an explosive gas and oxygen supports combustion, yet combined forms water, which is used to put out fires...hmmmm....
• would like to buy a vowel.
• would write you a love song...unlike that Sara Bareilles chick.